Fowl Play

“The court is now in session.”
The Judge brought his gavel down, hard, on the desk. Alexandra started to cry.

“Alexandra Salvatore, you have been accused of harassment and intent to cause bodily harm. Squawk.” Alexandra gazed at the Judge through tear filled eyes. The Judge was an old, large and proud looking eagle with bright youthful eyes and a powdery grey wig covering his bald spot.

“Is the Prosechicken ready?

“Yes, your Honour,” replied the Prosechooker in an emotionless voice, ruffling her wings.

“And is the Dehense ready?” The Judge asked, looking in Alexandra’s direction. Alexandra flinched from the eagle’s gaze.

“Yes, your Honour,” The Dehense Attorney responded, eyeballing Alexandra wearily.

“Well then,” the eagle crowed, “your opening statement, please, Prosechicken.”
The Prosechicken rose, narrowed her black eyes at Alexandra and began, her beak clacking menacingly.

“The dehendant, Miss Alexandra Salvatore, was seen chasing the Magpie family. She shows no remorse for harassing them and the Magpie family have stated that it was clear that the dehendant intended to cause them harm if she was able to get close enough.”
Alexandra looked down and wringed her hands, feeling sick under the gaze of the jury and crowd. She bit her lip in order to herself from crying out. Harassment? She had no clue she could get in trouble for chasing birds, much less go to court over it!

The Judge nodded thoughtfully and studied the shaking young girl as the crowd began to murmur amongst themselves. It was exciting enough for there to be a court case in the bird kingdom, and a case involving a human was positively thrilling! It would be all over the news the next day and those who had actually seen the case would be able to brag about it to their friends.

“Your Honour,” the Dehense continued, “I would like to call my first witness, if you please.”

“Very well. Call your witness!” The Judge boomed, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“I call to the stand Mr Willie D. Wagtail.” The Dehense declared, turning to watch the bailory stride to the stand with the witness, an uncouth looking bird with a mess of feathers on his head and a slight limp to his walk. As he reached the stand he drew himself up, puffing out his feathers in an attempt to impress the females in the crowd. The bailory shook his head slightly, then turned to face Willie.

“Do you swear to say the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?” He asked in a serious, practiced tone.

“I sure do, buddy!” Willie said with a wink to the crowd. The Dehense caught his eye and glared at him. “I mean, uh, yes, I swear.”

The Dehense nodded and faced the crowd, speaking in a loud voice.

“So, Mr Wagtail, can you tell us what you saw regarding the dehendant and the victims?”
Willie gave a grin and nodded. “I can indeed! So there I was, just sittin’ and watchin’ the clouds when I hear some squawking, right? So I look over to where the sounds comin’ from and I see that human chasing a bunch of magpies! Well, it was sure darn frightening, I tell you! That there human’s eyes were blazin’ like she wanted to cook the magpies and eat them up!”

The Dehense interrupted before Willie could get too excited. “Indeed. As your honour and the jury have been informed, the dehendant clearly intended to cause harm to the Magpie family, perhaps even to the extent of murder.”

The crowd began to murmur between themselves as protests filled Alexandra’s head. Willie was smiling at the crowd, and turned to Alexandra. He winked at her and her stomach plummeted with disgust. Turning to her Attorney, she hissed, “can’t you cross examine him or something? This creep is lying!”

Her Attorney shrugged nonchalantly, stroking his chin. “I suppose…”
“You suppose?” Alexandra gasped, “You’re meant to be defending me!”

He shrunk away from her, unsure of how to answer. “Well, yes, that is true but... Well… you’re a human. I don’t know how to defend a human.”

“Defend me like you would a bird!” Alexandra retorted, tears dripping down her face. Was this dehendant usually this completely, utterly useless?

The Judge peered at the Attorney. “Do you wish to cross examine the witness?”
“Uh... no, your Honour.” He flustered, avoiding Alexandra’s accusing gaze. “A-and... uh... I would like to call my client to the stand to... make a statement on what happened.”
Alexandra’s face went as white as a dove. Call up her? Seriously? Was that even allowed? “C-can’t you call up the Magpie family first?” She queried, clinging to the Dehense Attorneys wing. He shook his head, an embarrassed expression on his face.

“They are… too traumatized to... appear in court.” He muttered awkwardly, his eyes downcast.

“What?! Traumatized?!” Alexandra cried before the bailory took her arm and walked her to the stand.

“Dehendant,” The Judge stared down at her, his voice stern, “your testimony, please.”

“Well...” She began, attempting to avoid making eye contact with anyone. “I was in the park picking flowers...” (A voice from the crowd muttered “A likely story!”) “...When, I saw the magpies... And I chased them.” The crowd’s voices rose in uproar and the Judge had to bang his to gavel before they allowed Alexandra to continue. “But! But, I didn’t mean to hurt them... I mean, I didn’t even know birds had feelings!” This time the Judge was unable to silence the crowd. The Dehense Attorney put his head in his wings. He would never live this case down.

Alexandra gulped, feeling as if the air had been knocked from her lungs. Perhaps that wasn’t the best thing to say? Sweat mixed with tears on her face as the Judge crashed his gavel down so hard that his desk creaked.

“I don’t think we need to draw this case out for much longer.” He declared when the

crowd finally fell back into silence. The accusations and names that had been shouted at Alexandra crashed in her head as the Judge spoke. “I find the dehendant, Alexandra Salvatore,” Time seemed to slow down. “Guilty.”